The Grim Reaper’s greatest hits: the ten best “Final Destination” deaths

For nearly a decade, the Final Destination movies have taken the premise of Death haunting unfortunate souls and turned it to a money-making franchise. The formula for these movies is this: person has premonition of a horrible accident, person freaks out that causes other people to follow him, accident happens and horrible things happen to the survivors. The excitement of the franchise is not the acting or script, but the elaborate Rube Goldberg-like ways that the survivors are killed off to make it look like an unfortunate occurrences or freak accidents. With “Final Destination 5” ready for wide release on Friday in all its 3D glory, I thought it would be appropriate to recount the ten most elaborate and best deaths in the “Final Destination” franchise.

#10 Hunt: “The Final Destination”

Let’s all agree that “The Final Destination” was the weakest entry in the “Final Destination” franchise, even though the 3D experience in the theater saved it from being an overall horrible film. The only death that was worthwhile was the death of male bimbo Hunt (Nick Zano), who loses his life in a horrifying way. When he is at the town swimming pool, his lucky coin falls into the water. He dives in to retrieve his coin, except he ends up getting sucked, ass first, on the pool’s drain. When the pressure escalates, he ends up getting his intestines sucked out in geyser of blood.

#9 Ian: “Final Destination 3”

Still stunned from witnessing her girlfriend’s death, Ian (Kris Lemche) looks for payback and planned on killing Wendy. His plan did not succeed as he confronted Wendy at their town’s centennial celebration and they were nearly get incinerated by stray fireworks. As it seem like the fireworks did not do the trick, the nearby cherry picker with McKinley’s name on it (he was named after the town) surely did Ian in as it dropped down upon him, splitting his body in half. Originally, Wendy was supposed to squashed by the cherry picker, but Ian inadvertently took her place instead.

#8 Frankie: “Final Destination 3”

Wendy (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Kevin (Ryan Merriman) narrowly escape the “drive-thru from hell” when a runaway semi crashes into Kevin’s truck, which was sandwiched between a convertible and a beer truck. The semi crashed into his truck, causing Kevin’s truck engine to propel into the head of the convertible’s driver. Unbeknownst to them, the driver was their classmate Frankie (Sam Easton). In the end, all Frankie got was a REAL bad headache that resulted in his brains being splattered all over the drive-thru window.

#7 Evan: “Final Destination 2”

This “lucky” bastard not only avoided dying in a highway pileup, but also won the lottery. When he arrives in his apartment after a spending spree, Evan’s (David Paetkau) apartment catches on fire after his microwave malfunctions when was trying to retrieve a newly bought ring in his sink. After nearly escaping a fiery demise, he climbs down an escape ladder and slips on some spaghetti he threw away earlier. In classic fake out fashion, the ladder comes close to hitting him in the face with a resounding “Oh S–t” from Evan. However, his luck runs out when the ladder does fall and impale Evan’s right eye socket.

#6 Lewis: “Final Destination 3”

In the moments that lead up to the death of Lewis (Texas Battle), there are several objects that give hints to the audience on what the weapon of choice would be. A domino effect occurs that causes the loosely mounted swords hanging above Lewis to cut the wires on his weight machine. As the arrogant jock defiantly curse off Death and finishes his last shoulder row, the weights on the machine crushes his skull like a tomato.

#5 Billy: “Final Destination”

After Alex (Devon Sawa) and Claire (Ali Larter) save the life of Carter (Kerr Smith) from being crushed by oncoming locomotive in his car, Billy (Seann William Scott) stands by the rails of the train and scolds Carter. A piece of scrap metal from what was left of Carter’s vehicle flies off the train tracks and brutally decapitated Billy through his mouth. Alex realized that in Death’s design, if someone is saved by another person, it skips the lucky person (Carter) and moves on to the next person (Billy).

#4 Erin: “Final Destination 3”

You would think working at a Home Depot-like store would not have any deadly consequences on their workers. This unfortunate soul met her end at the end of nail gun after her boyfriend, Ian, is saved by Wendy and Kevin from falling debris. This act causes Death to skip Ian and move on to the next person, which was Erin (Alexz Johnson). As one of the debris penetrates a bag full of sawdust, this caused Erin to be blinded by the dust and slip on slip on some nearby liquid, causing her to fall backwards and headfirst into the nail gun. The nail gun ends up giving Erin eleven skull-crushing piercings from the back of her skull that penetrates through her cheek, hand, wrist, nose and eye. 

#3 Kat and Rory: “Final Destination 2”

It is not enough for people being dispatched in weird ways, Death also happens to literally kill “two birds with one stone”. After getting into a near fatal accident, the remaining survivors escape unscathed except for Eugene (T.C. Carson), who was sent to the hospital. Bitchy career woman, Kat (Keegan Connor Tracy), was nearly impaled by a plastic pipe and is stuck in the driver’s seat. With fire rescue arriving on the scene, they use the Jaws of Life to rescue Kat. Irony strikes here as the Jaws of Life activates the car’s airbag, which causes Kat’s head to retract her into said pipe and impale her through the head. As Kat’s lit cigarette falls from her hand, it ignites a gas leak that triggers an explosion that propels a barbed wire fence towards the direction of stoner Rory (Jonathan Cherry), which goes through him and causes him to fall to pieces.

#2 Terry: “Final Destination”

Not only is this one of the most shocking moment in the original, but it is also one of the most unexpected movie deaths of all time. As Terry is scolding his boyfriend, Carter, she makes the mistake of crossing the street backwards without looking. A few seconds later, her face and body has a meeting with an oncoming bus that just shows up out of nowhere and looks like it is going 150 miles per hour. I would think that Alex’s premonition of the reflection of the bus on a store front would have clued him in on what was to come.

#1 Tim: “Final Destination 2”

After nearly choking on a toy fish in the dentist’s office, Tim walks out the dentist office with his mother to see Officer Thomas Burke (Michael Landes) and Kimberly (A.J. Cook) waving at him. Unfortunately, his short attention span draws his attention to some nearby pigeons that he wants to chase. The flying pigeons causes a construction worker to lose control of an enormous piece of glass which ends up dropping on poor little Timmy, folding his body up like a bloody accordion.

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